Helplessness

The following material is inspired by 'my thoughts and Aur Ho' / Rockstar OST

One of the most uneasy situations, feelings, thoughts, anxieties, moments... of life. Helplessness; is when you make your moves and there is nothing you can do about it. Power is just a step away. Power is when after making your moves, you let it go, but it still falls in the palm of your hand. Is when you have things under your control. 

Helplessness has everything to do with time. It slows down. You look around. The clocks ticking, the seconds go by, but you're still in the same moment. There's nothing you can do about it.

You want it, you crave it, subconsciously; you even need it. You love it, you loath it, you desire it, you lust it. The feeling is so badly desired, you want to be destroyed in it. You're willing to lose everything you ever earned, just to spend a moment of fulfilled satisfaction. 

What I want, I know not. 

Every single one of us, what he want, we know not. We think we do.

Snatch it or let it go? In this moment, what might I just do....

This very moment is the most important. My achievements, my loved ones, my regrets, my miseries, my morals, my sins, my clothes, my health, my assets, my senses.... in this moment, right now...nothing matters. What matters right now, is this moment; and what I do in it.

Everything comes down to 'peacefulness'/ سکون . Whether you're a moralist, or a killer, a religious scholar or a capitalist sinner. We all do it for سکون . We all deny it, but we all want it...furthermore we all need it. All of our efforts are focused on the achievement of some sort of  سکون . Different paths, same destination. Different drugs, same diagnose. Workaholics; addicts. Moralists; addicts. Politicians; addicts. Lovers; addicts. We are all addicted. All we want is that...state of ecstasy...that  سکون . Just because junkies are impatient doesn't mean they're alone. 

The more you breathe, the more intoxicated you become. 

The more our souls meet, the more I burn.

I meet you the first time; every time. This is my helplessness. 

When you are unable to plan conversations. When you're uncertain. When you're hating and loving it at the same time. When you put all of yourself at one side and all of yourself within you at the same time. When you are a child and a father-figure at the same time. 

It all starts from within. Within the heart. Within the mind, and within the soul. Nobody can make you feel anything, unless you want them to. No one is in your way, but you. 

When you desire, the desired object in your mind is constant. Its all you can think about. You want it. It is this moment when your morality comes into question. The difference between right and wrong is questioned. Right now all you think about is its achievement. By any means necessary. 

Should you snatch it? 

The desired object is being kept from you. Either by those who possess it, or the object itself. The solution is taking it by force. Will you finally have  سکون ?. Here all that matters is ownership. The consequences do not matter. They never have.

Should you leave it?

Should you let it go? Will you be able to live without it? You know its bad for you, you know its not easy to have. But still... can you live with feeling of not having it in your life? Will you be able to have any  سکون  without it? Will you be able to replace it with something else? I don't think so.

Should you ask for it? 

Will it be given? Was it ever so easy? Are you sure this is how you wanted it? To ask for it or to earn it? 

Should you tear it?

Should you destroy it for making you're day and nights miserable? Should you be a killer of you're own salvation? Would it provide  سکون or a living hell. Not the proper questions.

Again, its what I do in this moment. So that I get some  سکون .

Just because you're modest doesn't mean you cant have wishes. Dreams, necessary to survive. What keeps us going. But there comes a time in your life, you start to question...is this what I really want? Maybe you might justify yourself, yes, this is what I want. But the things that kept you going...the support...its not there anymore. What do you do now? You miss it, but you need to get to other side of the river.... I`m no motivational speaker... you decide.

Helplessness, right here, feeling it, living it. Nothing seems to control it, it wont stop by itself. Harsh breezes seem to send a message. Why wait for nature, its right here in my breathe. You cant know, where what burns. There's a bit of fear in all of us, in our mentality and physicality. The wish wont stop to bother me, seems to igniting more and more. The smoke from my breath seem to make more and more complex patterns... This is my helplessness.

This... is... my...