Filth

The following material is based on a few real-life events that I have seen in the last few years. I titled this article 'filth' because it portrays the other side of society and the inability of people to draw the line. 

A guy in his late 30s-early 40s. Lives with his family in a 2 room portion of a small building on a street that provides spare parts for cars. He provides space for a couple of university students with a place to get drunk at for the evening. Of the three he only knows one of them. The wife and children are placed in the other room, while he gets drunk with these kids, what divides them is nothing more than a curtain. They get drunk together like they've known each other for years, and age is nothing more than a number for the evening. One of them is a beginner, so they make fun of him as he's the first to get drunk; "usay mast honay do, suroor mein rehne do", he says while you hear his child crying in the other room. 

A girl invites her fiance into her bedroom, who she has been engaged for, for over 5 years. The couple lock the door, while the parents are outside. This happens for more than once, as the parents look the other way. For them, its, hey would you rather have your daughter miserable and alone in this "characterless" era or would you be "modern" and let her have privacy with her fiance, whose going to marry her eventually. 

A guy gets a number of a girl. Starts texting her, eventually meets her. Things get serious. Continues it for days, weeks... eventually months. One day he receives a call. Shes pregnant. The sky falls on him. Her question, marriage? His answer, forget it, abortion. Looks for a solution likes its a matter of life and death. Finally gets her to abort the child. A little time later, break-up. Gets married to another girl a year later. Has a daughter. The girl? Still "likes" his statuses. 

A guy walks into an underground bar with a young girl. They are accompanied by his same-age friend. They order an economical Vodka. The two get drunk and talk about politics, while she looks at their faces. She's studying in Norway and has a return flight the next morning. His friend, asks her  what is she studying. "Arts", she replies. 'The young generation prefers arts, back in our day we had to study in order to make a living'. 'We should get going, you have to start packing', says the guy to the young girl. The young girl was his daughter. 

A guy is committed in a serious relationship. An ex wants him back. He curses her on the phone in front of his friends. She insists on having him back. So he plays along. While on the webcam, he asks her to show her indecency, to which she agrees. Little does she know that hes recording all this with his cell-phone. Which he excitingly shows to his friends, just to show how good a player he is. The woman hes committed to? There's not an innocent man as he is for her. 

A guy is about to get married in a couple of months. But has a bad history of temptation. On a vacation, he gets tempted again. Asks for a escort, gets her. Brings her to a place. Is suddenly stricken with a confused state. Confused either to give in to temptation or give in to guilt, he chooses temptation. After a while the escort inquires, 'what's wrong?'. Doesn't respond, is hit with a bolt of guilty conscious. Goes through it for a few months. Then admits, 'it was worth it'. 

A Vast Land

You don't describe a man as either smart, sentimental or sexy. A man is a combination of three things: mental, emotional and physical. A real man, that is. 

Every last day of the week, a random fella would always comment. 

" آج کچھ زیادہ ہی گرمی نہیں"

Over the years I reached a conclusion, "It's always sunny on Friday". One Friday, suddenly it was cloudy at جمعہ  time. I looked up at the sky, smiled, and knew God did this to tell me my theory was flawed. ازکر الله . No doubt the greatest ecstasy is in a sajda, hailing the Real King. Looking at those people, raising their hands, talking directly to The One, if the most beautiful relationship in the world is between a mother and a child then damn the most beautiful relationship in the universe has to be between God and human.

One day a dear friend asked me, what's the meaning of your name. I answered him what they answered me when I was a child; A Vast Land. He metaphorically laughed his arse off. Then I started thinking, wait, a vast land? This can't be right. So after 22 years of believing that I am a vast land, I googled my name. 

Name: Sohail

Gender: Male

Meaning: Shining Star.

I`m a modest man or else I would have told you what Wikipedia has to say about me. But I`m not too modest to share the link, though. 

"Have as much fun as you can, once your'e in practical life, you`ll regret it". That's what a lot of employed friends and other people would say to me, when they`d find out I was still studying. They thought BBA-H was all about girls, weed and booze. For some, yeah..for the cursed Bukhari, the God-damn thesis alone took me 8 months. More of a premature delivery than a thesis. 

So lets not get off-track here, Practical Life. I`ve always ignored this topic, because I dis-agree with the term itself. Practical life is starts when you start looking for a job? So all those years before that was what..a Joke Life? I personally believe there is only one life, there are only phases. I also believe people never really grow up. Sure, they read a few books and think they're Aristotle or Thomas Edison. So if you got a few properties, a car and a son in the U.K., you think you've made it? Baby boomers, nothing more than babies who have boomed a few stacks of cash. 

So what does an unemployed self-obsessed self-declared Philosopher know about life? Lets just say my level of mentality is beyond your level of understanding. My initiation phase is, Go Hard or Go Home and when I`m done I modestly quote Julius Caesar and declare, 'Veni, Vidi, Vici'. 

I am your lover, come to my side, I will open the gate to your love.
Come settle with me, let us be neighbors to the stars. 


You have been hiding so long,
endlessly drifting in the sea of my love.


Even so, you have always been connected to me. 
Concealed, revealed, in the unknown, in the un-manifest.


I am life itself. You have been a prisoner of a little pond,
I am the ocean and its turbulent flood. Come merge with me,
leave this world of ignorance.


Be with me, I will open the gate to your love.

-Rumi

For two three days, this line, "Ruk jana nahi tu kahin haar ke" has been coming to my mind. I never heard this song in its entirety before. But this evening when I listened to it, its like Kishore-Da knew exactly what to say. Thank you, Your Royal Vocalness. 

لوگوں کو انکا سب کچھ دے کے

تو تو چلا تھا سپنے ہی لے کے 

Today absorbed into Tomorrow

This song is the most valuable thing that my mother ever gave to me. She used to sing this to me every night... I used to be very talkative..talk to her for hours... but whenever she started singing this lullaby... I would close my eyes.. listen silently... and forget everything... No possession in the world can ever bring back that feeling... 

The video couldn't have been more relevant. As the young me looks back at my life... remembering my childhood... and the lullaby my mother sang. My mother used to tap me the same way while I listened and went to sleep.. The younger me sits at the edge of the balcony..and for a moment forgets about my own-self...and ponders about the selflessness of my mother's sacrifices... The tears coming out of eyes signifies the hardships and tragedies of those times while looking forward to a better tomorrow, just for the sake of the child..

My mother never sang the last stanza to me. But it couldn't more be relevant that the younger me is singing that now ... as the others look at me from afar... unaware...

Spring 2010. A call asking me to come back home. Clock hitting mid-night. Destination: Sharq, Kuwait City. Yahya on the wheel... a drive on Gulf Road. Yousef scrolls to a song I`ve never heard before..but exactly the one I could relate to, on his Xperia connected to the stereo. Me sitting in the back-seat like a boss...I`ll never forget that night...that drive...and that breeze. 

خواب نہ سگے 

زندگی ٹھگے 

پھر بھی جانے کیوں 

امیدیں جگے

اردو

اردو 

آج نہ جانے کیوں... اردو میں لکھنے کا جی چاہ رہا ہے . کہتے ہیں زبان تب تک زندہ رہتی ہے جب تک اسے بولا جائے .  ویسے میری اردو خود اتنی کوئی خاص نہیں، زیادہ تر پاکستانیوں کی طرح میں بھی ہر جملے میں انگریزی کے دو-تین الفاظ تو شامل کر ہی دیتا ہوں.

کہنے کو تو میں پنجابی ہوں...میرے والدین پنجابی ہیں اور انکی پہلی زبان بھی پنجابی ہے. میں پنجاب کے پوتوہری تحصیل راولپنڈی سے تعلق رکھتا ہوں.  اور اس  لہاز سے مجھے بولنی بھی پنجابی چاہیے.  پر آپ یہ قدرت کی کرنی کہئے یا میری اپنی پسند... جو احساس مجھے اردو کے لئے ہیں وہ کسی اور زبان کے لئے نہیں.

بچپن میں اور ٹیوی پی اکثر سنا ہے کے اردو دنیا کی سب سے خوبصورت زبان ہے.مجھے تو اسکی تمیز، الفاظ اور طریقہ زیادہ دلفریب لگتے ہیں. افسوس، اسکول میں اردو کی کتاب کبھی سمجھ نہ آ سکی . اور "مرکزی خیال" سے زیادہ تو ہم لڑکے گالیاں سیکھنے پر قابلیت رکھتے تھے.

ہماری جماعت میں جو اردو کے استاد تھے انکا نام تھا جناب عبدل قدوس . ماشا الله

 سے انکا ٦ فوٹ سے کم کد نہیں تھا اور انکی صحت کا کوئی مقابل نہیں تھا. ایک دفع مہینے انسے پچا، "سر آپکی صحت کا راز کیا ہے؟" انہوں نے جواب میں کہا ،" ووہی جو تمہاری کمزوری کا ہے". شکر ہے وہاں لڑکیاں نہیں تھیں. خیر، زلفیں انکی جتنی ہی ریشم تھیں ، اتنا وہ زور سے اپنی گردن کو ایک جھٹکا دیا کرتے تھے... تاکے انکا پف کہیں آنکھوں کے سامنے نہ آ جائے. اب آتے ہیں انکے پڑھانے کے طریقے کی طرف ... ہماری اردو کی کتاب دو حصّوں پر مشتمل تھی. حصّہ-اول مضمون پر اور حصّہ-دوم نظموں پر. مجھے پہلے حصّے میں سے صرف ایک ہی مضمون کا نام یاد ہے، "چلتے ہو تو چین کو چلیے". خیر جب وہ نظموں پر ہے.. تب وہ ہر نظم کے ایک مصرے پر کم از کم ١٠-١٥ مناتے لگاتے تھے. اتنی تفصیل میں ایک شیر کو بیان کرنا، وہ بھی کھڑے ہو کر، اور وہ بھی بچوں کی فضول گفتگو کرنے کی بگیر پروا کیے... میری نظر میں اپنے کام   کےساتھ انصاف کرنا ہے. 

مہینے زندگی میں چیزوں پر افسوس کرنے سے گریز کرنا سیکھا ہے. پر مجھے اس چیز کا ہمیشہ افسوس رہیگا کے جب لایک لڑکیاں اپنی کاپیاں بھر رہی ہوتی تھیں، ...مہینے دو سالوں میں ایک دفع بھی استاد صاحب کے کلام پر غور نہیں کیا. مقصد انکی باتوں پر غور کر کے امتحان میں زیادہ نمبر لینا نہیں تھا... بلکے نقطہ یہ ہے کے انکو مختلف مضامین پر علم حاصل تھا اور دوسرا وہ ہر چیز کو کافی 

گہرایی اور ہر نظریے سے دیکھتے اور بیان کرتے تھے. 

خیر یہ گفتگو کہاں سے کہاں چلی گی. 

زندگی میں آپکو کیی شخصیت سے ملنے کا موقع ملتا ہے، جو آپکی شخصیت پر فرق ڈالتے ہیں ...ضروری نہیں کے وہ مکمّل ہوں ... کوشش یہی ہونی چاہیے کے انکی اچھی باتوں کو اپنا لیا جائے اور اگر فطرت اجازت دے تو عمل  بھی کر  لیا جائے ...