Categories

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

"Priorities of life are changing day by day.
I am standing and looking 
at the fate in my hand of clay
Everything is achievable,
but that day is not in my play
I am moving with the wind
but fell on a shed-ed tree
The branches are dead...
like the emotionless puppet of clay".


-Sanan Javed

Monday, May 28, 2012

All I ever wanted was to live a peaceful life....


All I ever wanted was to be a successful man...


All I ever wanted was to make love to the woman I love...


All I ever wanted was to see my dreams come true...


What frightens me is not if they`ll ever be fulfilled... what scares me is how will I go through my life if they don't. 

Saturday, May 26, 2012

الزام

نہ لے میرے پاگل پن کا امتحان 
تجھے احساس نہیں کس حد تک جا سکتا ہوں میں 

صبرو تحمل جیسے الفاظ سے باہر ہے یہ طبیت 
جب چڑہ جائے نشہ عشق کا، پھر صرف اپنی پیاس ہی بجھا سکتا ہوں میں 

کر دوں اعلان یا خاموش رہوں تیری فرمابرداری کا 
ایک وقت پی صرف ایک ہی قدم اٹھا سکتا ہوں میں 

ایسی کوششیں نہ کر کے کل کو افسوس کرنا پڑے 
اپنے آپ پر بھروسہ نہیں، پر تیری زممےداری اٹھا سکتا ہوں میں 

ایک امید کو جنوں میں تبدیل کروا دیا تو نے 
حق ہے میرا ، بلا وجہ تجھ پی الزام لگا سکتا ہوں میں 

Thursday, May 24, 2012

"There is in such situations usually a moment of passion during which the unthinkable is said; this is followed by a sense of euphoria at finally being liberated; the world seems fresh, as if seen for the first time; then comes the inevitable period of doubt, the desperate and doomed backpedaling of regret; and only later, once emotions have receded, is one able to view with equanimity the journey through which one has passed."

-from the novel, The Reluctant Fundamentalist.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

"If you have the strength,
don't wear the cloth of love,
Or if you do, 
don't moan about disaster. 
The cloth will burn, 
but bear the pain in silence. 
What's venom now 
....is the juice of life hereafter." 


-Molana Jalal-ud-din Rumi

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Characters

Today I met a lot of different people. Just like in a movie, there is a lead... and others play a part in the story. This is just another day in the life of Mr. Bukhari. 


A man standing in front of me at the counter carrying a 'remittance form'. The attendant asks for his ID card copy, which he apparently doesn't have. I put the money and my bills on the window while he checks his wallet. I take a glimpse behind, a woman is standing holding a paper. While I get my change and stamped bills back, I see the guy taking out another original ID card. While I reverse my car, I see two young children sitting in the back of a black Honda City, teasing each other while their mother takes care of the paper. 

Stadium Road Ishara. My car's alter-ego 'Mein Fuhrer' is back. Stops working on CNG, I`m low on Petrol. Not sure if to turn the car off or to wait a few more seconds for the signal to turn green. An elderly female beggar approaches my car. I wonder if to give change or not. In split seconds I remember Prophet Muhammad's quotation, "Don't let anyone go empty-handed when they come to you". 20 rupee note handed over. 'Khair na ja', as she walks off. The signal opens, and I wonder if I did it for the quotation or for selfish reasons. 


Student Office. "ID kya hai beta apki". "Ji 2593". "Sohail Ayaz...Bukhari...syed hain ap?". "Uh.. ji Sir". "Kahan se Syed hain?" "Uh.. Sir... yani Imam?" "Nahi... chalein Imam bata dein". "Sir..uh..Ammi ki taraf se Jaffri aur Abbu ki taraf se Naqvi". "Acha acha.. to ap Bukhari kaise hain?". "Sir pata nahi...maine kabi pucha nahi". "Puchna to chahiye tha na apko". "Sir, mujhe to yeh pata hai ke hamare ancestors Bukhara ek shaher hai Samarkand mein, wahan se idhar unhon ne hijrat ki thi". "Acha acha... meri walda bhi Bukhari hain, main is liye puch raha tha apse". "Achaa..to mera test ho raha tha". "Ji, apne roots ka har shaksh ko pata hona chahiye". "Ji, bilkul". "To ap Alh-e-Tashi hain?" "Uh..nahi Sir, sunni". "Acha acha,... ap Finance Dept. mein jayein aur wahan se apni Finance History la ker idhar jama kara dein". 



As I find the Finance Dept. locked due to a "meeting". I think about a cigarette but find former class mates sitting in the "train seats" of the lobby. I greet them and they offer a seat. For the first few minutes a listen to their conversation and try to understand if its serious or casual. They're making fun of teachers, so I join in. The conversation turns to studying abroad and now its directed towards me. "All things aside, why do you wanna go abroad?". I tell them, I`ve tasted the life of living abroad, and the feeling just doesn't go away. As one guy gets up to do something, the conversation turns to woman. I tell him that only women should be considered beautiful while men should have other things on their mind. 

I remember I need a print-out, when I don't see any printers in the 'Printer List' options, I realize its time for a cuppa tea. As I get off my seat and walk towards the door. I see a former class-mate again. She looks at me, and I look away. I`ve been doing that for a few months now, and I felt bad. So I said, "excuse me, is that you?" Its amazing how she suddenly started smiling. The poor girl tells me she's doing her thesis. "bas wohi reh gaya?". "uske ilawa kuch courses". I didn't embarrassed her anymore and told her, "Best of luck". Hopefully, after that she had a better day than me. 

Askari Bank, I-9 Branch. 4.25 pm. "Teen Demand Draft chahiyein". "Bank to band hone wala hai". I put my innocent Puss-in-boots look and gently say, "Please, kafi urgent hai". The guy buys it, and hands me 3 forms to fill. 

Cafeteria. I see some more classmates. One of them is going to the U.S. I congratulate him for the biggest achievement of his life. After a while, others start making fun of him, so again I join in. "Sabar kar, udhar pahunch aur angrez tujhe kaheinge, "Go back to your country, you Paki". After a while he tells me, Suhail, you wanna go to the U.S.? I tell myself, "Who is this guy?". "Bas 1.5 crore ki bank statement show kara de, mein tujhe bula lunga, baray rishtedar hain mere Amreeka mein". I take a puff and drop the ash in the teacup as I smile. 

Standing in the middle of Bank Road, Saddar. Where nothing shouts "LIFE" more than the centre of Rawalpindi. The variety of people again fascinates me. A man getting a chair for his woman, the young doctor waiting for her friend while she gets her money back, the molvi driver waiting in his Army Suzuki Bolan, but the person who caught my attention the most...was this physically disabled young guy. He was carrying balloons with cartoon characters painted on them. I stood there looking at the balloons move back and fro in front of me with faces of Mario Brother, Doraemon, Spiderman, and a tiger. He walks towards a man holding a baby. His dinner tonight depends on the likeliness of a 2 year old. The baby just moves its hands, the father isn't sure if it wants the balloon or not. After a persuasion from the balloon-guy for a few minutes he finally buys it. 

After I put my Pizza Box in the car, I see a car parked right behind me. They seemed like a newly married couple... having ice-cream. I tell him, I need to reverse. As I put my reverse gear, I see the car moving forward, where there is still another car. I could have honked, but I decided against it and wait. I said to myself, they're having a special moment, why destroy it? 

And they say, I don't care about other people's feelings. 




Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Silence




Give me release

Witness me

I am outside
Give me peace
Heaven holds a sense of wonder
And I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up 
When the rage in me subsides



Passion

Chokes the flower
Until she cries no more
Possessing all the beauty
Hungry still for more



Heaven holds a sense of wonder

And I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up 
When the rage in me subsides



In this white wave

I am sinking 
In this silence
In this white wave...
In this silence...



I believe I can't help this longing...

Comfort me I can't hold it all in...
If you won't let me...



Heaven holds a sense of wonder

And I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up
When the rage in me subsides




In this silence
In this white wave...
In this silence...



I believe I have seen you...

In this white wave
You are silent
You are breathing
In this white wave...



I am free

Thursday, May 3, 2012

"They say the important thing in life isn't the destination... its the journey. The challenges you face along the way,  the unexpected twists and turns, the disappointments you overcome...but they're wrong. Its all about the destination". 

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

"You mean she'd rather imagine herself relating to someone who's absent than build relationships with those around her?".


-From the French movie, Amelie.