Sin or Sincerity

From the top to the bottom
I`ve seen too many drop

It ain't worth a damn; achievement
If it ain't done with style

They measure all of it with money
I pay attention to the technique

Process after process, we all go through shit
Label & categorize, that's how we stomp on shit

How can you want something you don't love
How can you love something you don't want

The pressure sometimes gets to the best of us
A purpose in life is what keeps tempting us

Sin or sincerity, confused between the two
To surrender or to deceive, they don't have a clue

The smart move on to the future
The fools keep holding on to the past

What's said is said, what's done is done
I`m not even married yet & I`m thinking about a son

Go ahead Bukhari, walk along with your chin up
In the end, they gon judge you by how long you can keep up.

-Bukhari

Just Saying...

Lads like us, tend to become moody over time. There was a time when nothing used to make a difference, now even the slightest remark seems to influence the next 5 minutes. 

"What kind of woman do you want?" 

Anything between Elissa and Nigella Lawson... 

Those who know who I`m talking about will say, 'that's too much to ask, Bukhari'. Those who don't, 'who the fuck are they?'. 

Did I forget to mention '...and a blend of the sophistication of Elizabeth Taylor with the playfulness of Saira Bano'? 

"Look at yourself, you ain't a Prince Charming yourself, mate". 

My reply? "I`m not perfect, but I`m better than all your other options". 

Oh, there's that ego again.

There's that labelling again. 

They say I`m healthier, some say I got a tummy. I politely deny and blame the double sweater. 

I`m a typical Pakistani when it comes to intoxicants. The most common? Tea, I`m definitely addicted. 

Another sleepless night again? Ah God, whenever I go back to 226 D/1, all of my past 5 years flash right in front of me. Damn, that time didn't feel like anything, but compared to now...feels like I did a lot. Every time I go back to Iqra, I feel like either I`m stepping in the university premises for the first or the last time. Which ironically is not the case. 

Before I used to have very different dreams. But now I`m having recurring dreams, a bit too much. The three most common are... Kuwait, family and a woman. Amazing how I try not to think about it, but most of my nights...are dedicated to them. 

I used to silently not give a damn about people who would tell me about 'having nightmares', but nightmares have started knocking at my door now. Personally, I`m enjoying the haunting. Its fun to be starring in a unscripted horror movie yourself, sometimes. 

In the world, you`ll see people who are determined...in what they want. An aura which exhibits a possession of uncontrollable confidence and power. It seems like they know what they want and how they`ll get it. But personally, I think deep down inside they would even doubt themselves sometimes. They just don't show it. They can't afford to show it. Being doubted is one thing, doubting yourself is another. 

Sincerity, chivalry, loyalty, manners... do people even give a shit about these things any more or have they taken capitalism literally? We all have flaws, I`m an understanding fella anyway. But what I don't allow in conversation are two things: stupidity and vulgarity. Takes all respect away from that person's existence. 

What the hell am I talking about? 

The Freshness

When it's cold and raining,

you are more beautiful.

And the snow brings me

even closer to your lips.

The inner secret, that which was never born,

you are that freshness, and I am with you now.

I can't explain the goings,

or the comings. You enter suddenly,

and I am nowhere again.

Inside the majesty.

-Rumi